7 Steps on How to Stop a Divorce.
Let’s set the scene. Money’s tight and he works every hour of overtime he can get. She’s beginning to feel as though he doesn’t exist and spends all her time looking after the kids. She’s tired of a night and he feels she’s not meeting his marital needs. And then another woman meets his eye. Is this a relationship that can be saved or is it doomed to divorce? Should this relationship be saved? Here’s some advice on how to stop a divorce.
The most important question that has to be asked before any other is ‘is this marriage worth saving?’ It only takes one partner to decide otherwise and there is nothing to be done. Provided both parties decide that it is worth saving and they want to make it work again then the relationship can be saved and divorce avoided, although it will take hard work from both partners.
Without this commitment from both partners to work at saving your relationship then you are on rocky ground. Staying together for other reasons like convenience or for the children is not really a valid enough reason.
Once you have commitment then you need to identify the real root cause of the relationship problem. Don’t confuse the symptoms with the cause – it’s easily done. For example an affair is not so much the problem as a symptom of a deeper problem. Why did he or she feel they needed an affair would be the right question to ask here.
Once you have identified the root cause then you need to deal with that problem and knock it on the head – bury it so it will never return again! Unless you do this there is always the chance that either the same symptom or another one will pop up again at some time in the future and cause further problems.
It is only by getting down to these core issues that you can deal with your relationship problems and stop that divorce before it happens.
The real hard work in saving your relationship is going to start once you have identified the real core problems. You are both going to have to share your thoughts and feelings on the issue and get to understand each others viewpoint. It helps a lot if you can hold hands when you talk about these issues as it develops a sense of sharing and re-connection. Plus it helps to share the emotional impact of your feelings. During this exploration there are going to be things said that will hurt you both. But keep in mind that these things are said not to injure but to expose the real core of the problem and point the way forward for you both to repair the damage and improve your relationship.
When you have both aired all the problems in your relationship then it is time to create a detailed action plan to solve them all. But having a plan is not enough – you also have to follow it. So make sure you don’t just file it away and forget it – take positive steps on it to make it work. Set time aside each week to make sure you both get together and rediscover the magic of your relationship. Make sure you spend time working on the problem aspects of your relationship.
And last but not least you need to remember that saving a relationship and stopping a divorce is a long term project. Like any project there will be highs and lows. It’s a dance with two steps forward and one backwards. But if you can keep smiling, even through the inevitable tears along the way then you will make it work again for you both.
So if the answer to the question ‘is this marriage worth saving?’ is yes then follow the guidelines laid out here for how to stop a divorce.
Let’s set the scene. Money’s tight and he works every hour of overtime he can get. She’s beginning to feel as though he doesn’t exist and spends all her time looking after the kids. She’s tired of a night and he feels she’s not meeting his marital needs. And then another woman meets his eye. Is this a relationship that can be saved or is it doomed to divorce? Should this relationship be saved? Here’s some advice on how to stop a divorce.
The most important question that has to be asked before any other is ‘is this marriage worth saving?’ It only takes one partner to decide otherwise and there is nothing to be done. Provided both parties decide that it is worth saving and they want to make it work again then the relationship can be saved and divorce avoided, although it will take hard work from both partners.
Without this commitment from both partners to work at saving your relationship then you are on rocky ground. Staying together for other reasons like convenience or for the children is not really a valid enough reason.
Once you have commitment then you need to identify the real root cause of the relationship problem. Don’t confuse the symptoms with the cause – it’s easily done. For example an affair is not so much the problem as a symptom of a deeper problem. Why did he or she feel they needed an affair would be the right question to ask here.
Once you have identified the root cause then you need to deal with that problem and knock it on the head – bury it so it will never return again! Unless you do this there is always the chance that either the same symptom or another one will pop up again at some time in the future and cause further problems.
It is only by getting down to these core issues that you can deal with your relationship problems and stop that divorce before it happens.
The real hard work in saving your relationship is going to start once you have identified the real core problems. You are both going to have to share your thoughts and feelings on the issue and get to understand each others viewpoint. It helps a lot if you can hold hands when you talk about these issues as it develops a sense of sharing and re-connection. Plus it helps to share the emotional impact of your feelings. During this exploration there are going to be things said that will hurt you both. But keep in mind that these things are said not to injure but to expose the real core of the problem and point the way forward for you both to repair the damage and improve your relationship.
When you have both aired all the problems in your relationship then it is time to create a detailed action plan to solve them all. But having a plan is not enough – you also have to follow it. So make sure you don’t just file it away and forget it – take positive steps on it to make it work. Set time aside each week to make sure you both get together and rediscover the magic of your relationship. Make sure you spend time working on the problem aspects of your relationship.
And last but not least you need to remember that saving a relationship and stopping a divorce is a long term project. Like any project there will be highs and lows. It’s a dance with two steps forward and one backwards. But if you can keep smiling, even through the inevitable tears along the way then you will make it work again for you both.
So if the answer to the question ‘is this marriage worth saving?’ is yes then follow the guidelines laid out here for how to stop a divorce.
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